The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Parents and Children at the Same Time

This information is courtesy of Nikki Vineyard CarePatrol.  https://carepatrol.com/how-we-help

If your worries often switch between concern for your aging parents and your children, you may be part of the group known as “the sandwich generation.” From your position “sandwiched” between your kids and your aging parents, you may feel stretched thin through providing physical, emotional, and financial support to both.

With a growing aging population and a fresh group of young adults who depend upon the family financially, many adults find themselves consumed with worry for their loved ones. If you can relate, keep reading to learn more and for resources that can help.

The Term “Sandwich Generation”

The sandwich generation refers to adults who are simultaneously caring for aging parents while also supporting their own children. If at least one of your parents requires your care, you are part of this group. Balancing responsibilities for both older and younger generations can be overwhelming, and in some cases, multiple generations may even live under the same roof.

Who is Part of the Sandwich Generation? 

This group primarily consists of middle-aged adults, typically between 40 and 59 years old, as they often feel the strain of caring for both parents and children. However, some individuals in their 30s also find themselves in this role.

According to the Pew Research Center, those in their 40s are most affected, with 54% belonging to the sandwich generation. This compares to 36% of those aged 50 to 59 and 27% of those aged 30 to 39. These numbers highlight how widespread this experience is—and reassure you that you’re not alone.

While less common, individuals outside this age range may also fit into this category. Small percentages of adults aged 18 to 29, as well as those 60 and older, find themselves caring for both parents and children simultaneously. Though they make up less than 10% of this group, their challenges are just as real.

Consequences for Sandwich Generation Members

As a member, you already know it’s not easy being a sandwich generation caregiver to older parents while raising your children. But you may not know the full extent of the consequences for your health and well-being.

People in the sandwich generation can encounter a plethora of issues and stresses, including mental health challenges stemming from the physical, emotional, and financial support they give as they raise their children and care for aging loved ones who are struggling to maintain their independence.

While caregiving for older adults has challenges and burdens, those with the addition of parenting responsibilities had higher levels of overload, financial difficulty, and emotional difficulty, according to research from the University of Michigan Department of Psychiatry. The study also found that the sandwich generation is more likely to have a paying job compared to other caregivers, so this adds another layer of responsibility and stress.

Juggling a career and relationships and trying to carve out some time for yourself can be challenging. When your family members need you so much, you may end up feeling as though you’re getting lost in the middle and not getting to live your own life. When is time for yourself after you take care of your responsibilities in your daily life and to your loved ones?

At the same time, it’s common to have feelings of guilt in the quest to be a good spouse, parent, and child all at the same time. If you’re stretched too thin between numerous responsibilities, giving your full time and attention to each one is difficult, so you may feel you’re failing to do a good job at anything.

You may also feel guilty whenever you try to take care of yourself, as you could give that time to your elderly parents or children instead. While this guilt is understandable, keep in mind that you’re stuck in a difficult situation and that you haven’t intentionally caused harm to anyone.

Sandwiched caregivers can also experience grief in addition to guilt. This often includes grief over their hopes and dreams of what they wanted and expected their lives and relationships to be like compared to reality.

These situations trigger stressful feelings. Also, feeling torn in different directions while tending to the needs of the family can render a person exhausted. It is common for caregivers to deal with burnout, a sense of depression, and isolation.

Support for the Sandwich Generation

If you’re feeling the consequences of being sandwiched between responsibilities, you don’t have to stick with how things are going. It’s helpful to realize that you’re not alone and think about taking advantage of the available resources. You can also make changes within your day-to-day life that can ease some of your burden.

Prioritize and Delegate Responsibilities

You don’t necessarily need to continue doing all your daily tasks. Start by writing a list of the various responsibilities you take care of on a day-to-day basis. Also, identify stressors and triggers that consistently impact you.

Then, prioritize your responsibilities. You may find that you can take some items off your list that are not very important tasks. You may also find that by putting the most important tasks first, you feel as though you are better supporting the people in your life.

Next, see if you can delegate some of the responsibilities on your list. Are there things your dependent parent can take care of independently or that your other parent can help with? Can your growing children take on more responsibility? Can your children help in certain ways to take care of your parents, and vice versa? You may not need to do as much for both groups as you currently have.

In addition, are there other people who can help? Think of your spouse, your siblings, and supportive friends. You may even find that your network includes neighbors, coworkers, and friends of your parents who are willing to lend a hand in some way. Even small offers of help can add up.

In the process of prioritizing, reducing tasks, and delegating, you may be able to take some of your biggest stressors and triggers away.

Set Boundaries

You may need to set boundaries that protect your own needs and health while distinguishing which responsibilities your parents and children should take care of themselves. Of course, this will depend on the situation, such as the children’s age and the parents’ abilities.

You may even find you can change unhealthy behaviors that have developed. For instance, there may be some codependence or coddling that could be holding your loved ones back from taking care of themselves as well as they could while putting undue burden on you. With codependency, you end up giving up your own well-being and needs by over-focusing on others.

Prioritize Self Care

Stress takes a toll on mental and physical health, and it’s important to take care of yourself as you care for others. It’s understandable to put aside your own needs for a time, but being in the middle of children and older adults you care for can go on for years. You can’t put your own needs and life aside for that long. In addition, taking care of yourself helps you provide better care and attention to those you love, so it will benefit everyone.

Self-care can mean a variety of things. It can include spending time on activities that bring you joy, engaging in relaxing or fun activities, spending some moments by yourself, thinking of your own dreams and goals, and making your own health and wellness visits. These are just some examples. What could it mean for you?

Look into Resources

It’s not necessary to suffer in silence in your caregiving duties. Check into local and online resources that can help. For instance, you could:

• Consider resources that help you manage stress to help reduce some of the extreme stress that caregiving can create. This could also help you cope with some of the triggers and stressors you’re not able to take off your plate. For instance, resources could include online articles or self-help books with stress-relieving tips.
• See if you can find support groups, whether locally or online, for caregivers or the sandwich generation. These groups can help you talk out your feelings and connect with people going through a similar experience. They may help you with the challenges of caregiving, not feeling alone, and forms of support that are available to you as a caregiver.
• Check into assistive equipment that could help your aging parent take care of more of their needs on their own.
• See if there are community volunteers who could provide companionship to your senior parent while you spend time on something else.

Consider Professional Support

Sometimes, self-care and informal support are not enough. Think about whether professional support is needed. There are different kinds of professionals who can help you manage your life, as you are sandwiched between two generations who need your care.

If you’re really struggling with your mental health or family health, think about talking to a counselor, therapist, or related professional. For instance, there is individual therapy, group therapy, and family therapy available to support you and the other family members that you’re caring for. A mental health professional could even help with things like creating boundaries, managing stress levels, asking others for support, and addressing codependency.

In addition, you could talk to a financial professional about financial burdens and your options. They could help you with critical financial decisions. You could also speak to a financial planner and elder law attorney about your senior parent’s situation.

Another form of professional support is eldercare. This could take some of the burden from you related to aging parents, such as support with activities of daily living (ADLs) or nursing care. You have options in this area, such as finding a senior community, hiring in-home care, bringing your parents to adult day services or other services.

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